Thank you, Thank you.

You know exactly who you are.  You are my best friends in the entire world, and you make me want to be a better person.  Your example pushes me everyday of my life.  Because of you, I finally have the courage to conquer the hurdle that has been holding me up for over a year.  You are amazing, and I love you.


Resigned up for Weight Watchers today...day one of an amazing and profound journey!  :)

Exactly what I needed.

So lately, every night it seems, almost as soon as it gets dark, I have the craziest desire to curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch a movie, and I don't know why!!  Even if I've worked that night (which has been quite frequent lately since I've picked up way more shifts now that school is out) I get home and can't go right to sleep because I'm too wound up, so I just want to watch a movie.  I've tried to curb these desires in an effort to maintain some sort of ability to accomplish something with my life, but it kind of has become a losing battle...Haha.  I've actually had quite the time reliving some childhood favorites like Dennis the Menace and Mrs. Doubtfire (I never realized how dirty it is!  Haha.), a ton of Disney (random guilty pleasure), way too many musicals (including Phantom, Fiddler on the Roof, West Side Story, The Sound of Music, The Music Man, Mamma Mia!, and many many others...), and my all time favorites Australia, and The Man From Snowy River (both set in Australia...weird...haha).

Anyway, there is another movie on the list of recent watches, Forever Strong.  I can't even describe to you the effect this movie has had on me for the better.  Lately I've been struggling a little with church and stuff, and by a little unfortunately I mean a lot...  As many of you know, I've had a serious blow to my self-esteem and morale in the past year, and for about six to nine months I just tried to ignore it, and never dealt with the issue, and it eventually caught up with me, and I fell, really hard.  Luckily for me, no matter how much I have wanted to (and believe me, I have wanted to and unfortunately seriously considered doing so) just forget about the Church and just start a new life as just me, just Kelton, I cannot deny the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I know that He died for me and that no matter what He love me, yes ME!  That testimony has not left me, and I don't think it ever will, and because of that I cannot deny the Church of which I have a sure testimony that He is the Head.  I recently met with my Bishop, and just spilled my guts.  I told him everything I have been feeling recently, and just totally laid it out on the table, which was odd for me, because I've always been the good kid who never had anything to discuss with the bishop.  Other than the yearly interview and the occasional conversation, I've never talked with the Bishop like this before, and I had no idea the power that could come from it.  It was such a weight off of my shoulders to admit and want to fix the pain I've been feeling for a year now.  The power of the Atonement is REAL people!!  So totally amazing.  I just love my Bishop.  He gave me the most wonderful blessing ever, and the best counsel I have ever heard. 

So, to get back on track with the original thread of this post...(I have actually been avoiding blogging lately because I knew what my outlook on life was, and deep down it isn't who I want to be, so I just never bothered to blog...kind of weird I know...haha) Forever Strong just made me cry, and re-realize the power of Christ in my life as my Savior.  It has made me want to be a better person, and to change the things about me that make me unhappy.  I am going to go on a mission.  Someday, somehow, I will be there.  It's not going to be easy, but it will be so worth it, and I know it's what I want to do.  It's weird, but I'm finally loving life again!

 :)

The Beginning of the 20th Year

Well, no matter how much I hoped it wouldn't come (why would I waste energy on something as futile as that anyway?) it came...I am now officially 20 years old.

My day started out wonderfully with my good friend Meg (as stated in my previous post), and we watched re-watched (again) the season finale of gLee for the actual "ringing in" of my birthday, and it was truly amazing (including this drink that Meg made up that had Sprite, Mango Nectar, and Orange/Pineapple juice which was truly delicious!)  I went home shortly thereafter, but had to be up and to class by 8 this morning.

Now, going in to the birthday, I had known it was going to be a rough day, but I should not have set myself up for failure like I did by staying up until almost 1...snap!  Needless to say I did not get up to be ready for Anatomy by 8, but I did get to school by 9 for a booth hour (one of my Ambassador responsibilities).  I had a break at ten which I spent on the computer, until my wonderful girlfriend came to find me and presented me with a wonderful coupon for "One Birthday Lunch", and I was very happy.  I then had Ambassador Auditions (the process of selecting the Ambassadors for the following school year, of which I have to attend every day... :/ ) starting at noon, and they did not finish until after 6, at which point I busted butt home to change my clothes for play rehearsal at 7.  Luckily my director let me leave after running the first scene, so I was able to go with my family to the traditional birthday dinner at 8.  We ate at the Cowboy Club (one of my favorite restaurants ever!) and luckily alot of my family was able to be there (all of my moms siblings and their families, and both sets of grandparents), and can I tell you, I LOVE FAMILY!  I had a realization during dinner that if the world were to end right at that instant at least  I was there with the people that truly matter the most.  I seriously love my fam so much, and can't imagine life without any one of them; they are always there for me, and are just so totally amazing.  All in all, my birthday was a fabulous day, and although I didn't get to spend too much of it with family and friends, they were all great to get me through the day.

Now, in spirit of beginning a new decade of my life, and in somewhat response to a previous post about trying to be a better person, I have made a few goals for my twentieth year.  Some are indeed very cliche, but please don't mock and laugh, because I am sincere in every one of them and have given each one a great deal of thought.

1) One year from today, I will be 100 pounds lighter.  I am truly done with living with myself the way I am.  I want to finally be able to do what I want to do with no reservations.  I will be free!

2) I will be in the mission field by the end of summer 2010.  I've spent plenty of time feeling sorry for myself and trying to blame God for my misfortunes.  I need to realize that the Lord in all of His infinite wisdom is just trying to prepare me to be the best missionary possible, and humility through trial will be the best thing to ever happen to me.

3) I will not take my family for granted.  They mean the world to me, and I intend to let them know that every single day.  Nothing is worth alienating those you love.

4) I will read at least a portion of the Book of Mormon every single day.

5) I will strive to become a more spiritual person through fasting and prayer. I will strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father because I love him and do what he has asked me to do because I WANT to in reverence of the countless blessings which he affords me every day.

6) I will be a 100% Home Teacher.

7) I will strive to be happy.

8) I will love others unconditionally like Christ loves me.

9) I will not gossip for the sake of backbiting.

10) I will be a fiercely loyal friend.

Well, that's the list in short...pretty lame yes, but nonetheless there it is.  I truly want to do everything on the list.  It won't be easy, but oh so worth it.  :)